Is Being in a Relationship with Someone Before Marriage Okay?

Q:   Is Being in a Relationship with Someone Before Marriage Okay?

My 2 cents....
It's very healthy to 'hang out', to do things together. To really get to know the person that 'might be the one'.

You've heard me say before…"don't go down dark alleys"…. well, that's how it is when you're in that limbo state before marriage.  And we know the concern here is sexual temptation...

By now, you should know your weaknesses and things that could push you over the edge. 
For some, holding hands or even kissing 'hello' & 'bye' are nothing big.  It may not be an issue with you, but the other factor is 'what are his/her weaknesses?' 

One thing you have to hold onto is that you have to be the 'strong one'.  You can't expect him/her to be strong against temptation etc.

Back to "don't go down dark alleys"… 

This is putting yourself or your girl/guy friend in a place of temptation.  Communication from the very beginning is the best investment in your relationship.  Be mature and talk about this subject together... it's much easier to be on the same page of desiring to be pure. 

Watching out for 'traps'...

Picking a movie heavy-laden with sex or lust in it. Meeting in private settings. Alcohol, drugs (LOL… well, I gotta put that in there)--deadened senses can have you in a trap before you know it!  For girls… provocative clothing (going swimming might be better done with your girlfriends).  And I mentioned holding hands & kissing… again... can be no big deal…but a monitor on the types of 'touch' are important…. because we know very well that one thing can lead to another, so mutually set your boundary, else you'll be justifying the next trap and the next... and satan will have you saying 'but that's not sex' and perverse, lustful or whatever spirits enter in to harm your relationship. Massage, holding around the waist, stroking his/her back or hair… these are potential danger zones.

The safe zone...

One really good suggestion that keeps you in a 'safe zone' is to go out with other friends as a group, or family…or just doing everything very public.  It's absolutely the best suggestion I have for you.  Make no 'secret places' for sin to get a toe in...

Luke 11: 33-34

“No one, after lighting a lamp, puts it away in a cellar nor under a basket, but on the lampstand, so that those who enter may see the light. The eye is the lamp of your body; when your eye is clear, your whole body also is full of light; but when it is bad, your body also is full of darkness."

Pre-covenant-covenants...

One more thing... be careful as you progress in your relationship.  Don't get trapped in pleasing society, parents etc.... go by what feels right in your relationship with God.  Thinking "I've got to have this and that, before I get married," can be putting a bulls-eye on your relationship.  Long engagements as required by a church or because it's what Mom and Dad did or expect... or fear of shame in going to the Justice of Peace and declaring your covenant before God (as if it were not valid).. take these things captive and speak with God and your mate for the real solution.
True, there is self control to be learned in the pre-covenant stage, but realizing that circumstances need not be 'storybook'-- that unrealistic expectations can become more of a cage then real preparation, is key.

Raiding the cookie jar...

Never... I repeat, NEVER pledge a covenant to make having sex 'okay'.  I can't tell you how many ruined relationships I come across because of this. Remember the lamp stand scripture above?  Make the commitment public... make it a celebration and then enjoy the perks.  If you raid all the chocolate chips from the cookie dough before you bake it, you'll wreck the cookie! "Secrecy" points to decisions based on Lust.

If you did screw it up (a very common blunder these days), know that satan has a doorway wherever there is sin... EVEN IF you have premarital sex AND THEN get married... you still have to break the evil soul ties that entered in that moment you turned from the truth.  They don't magically 'right' themselves and will plague your marriage until you confess the sin and make it right in Christ Jesus.

Being free...

If you do head towards "With this ring, I thee Wed"...focusing on the heart of what pledging yourself to another is about, and then committing to honor it is far greater than the fancy wedding, the dream honeymoon, etc. If you've spent your 'dating'/healthy relationship time in pursuing God in equal yoking, being transparent in communication and doing what's best for 'your other', you'll have set a solid foundation for the blessing unto the thousandth generation!

"..and showing covenant faithfulness to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments." Exodus 20:6 (NET Bible)

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Good Soul Ties

Excerpt from 9-22-2012  Live Prayer session

Scriptures:

“I beseech you, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, that there be no divisions among you; but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” (1 Cor. 1:10)

“..when he had made an end of speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” (1 Samuel 18:1)

 
Full program:
http://youtu.be/6mXNU_t6NKM

More on Soul Ties:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MupolLNikBM 

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Soul Ties - Spiritual Housecleaning

Soul ties are all about relationships. In 'relationship' an exchange occurs.


This isn't inclusive to sexual encounters, but through sex is the most obvious way that soul ties occur. Let's look at the scriptures:

“Don’t you know that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? Don’t you know that he which is joined to a harlot is one body? For two, says He, shall be one flesh.” (1 Cor 6:15-16)

Okay, this particular scripture is in the context of sexual immorality, but see the precept there… that joining that makes one. Now begin to think about ways where you verbally and mentally align with others… friends, family, work associates… you do this very thing in communion with Father God… pagans do the same with idols. Where 2 or more are in agreement is a wider precept… because it's a universal one.


The first mention of a “soul tie” in the Word is found early in Genesis:

The Marriage Relational Tie:

"The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man, For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:23-24)

The good: a wonderful marriage

The bad: domination, manipulation


The Pastors or Spiritual Leaders Tie:

“So every man of Israel left David, and followed Sheba the son of Bichri: but the men of Judah clave unto their king, from Jordan even to Jerusalem.” (2 Sam. 20:2)

This kind of tie you'll especially note when the anointing of a ministry you frequent begins to rub off onto you. God rewards His own, so by honoring a man or woman that has chased after God and received more talents of the kingdom, it flows down to You! Conversely, you'll note in cults all the little 'mini-me's' of the cult leader going after people using manipulation. Remember, you are what you eat.


The good: wise counsel, growth in the anointing

The bad: manipulation and control, stunting spiritual growth (not allowing anyone to go beyond the leader's revelation), some fall away from the faith completely or become hardened.


The Parents and Children Tie:

“When I come to my father, and the lad is not with us, seeing that his life is bound up in the lad’s life, then he will go down to his grave with sorrow and die..” (Gen. 44:30-31)

Now this one seems a little extreme, but understand the importance of a parent-child relationship. We shepherd our children, they are in our care. This tie can be a very healthy bond, and is needed in raising up our kids in the way in which they should go.

Wondering where your teenager is at 12:01am… that's healthy… wondering where your 30 year old… that's moved back in with you… perhaps there's more than one concern with that picture!


The good: unconditional love-- 'a safe place'

The bad: control and manipulation (a parent using the child's life to live through), the child controlling the parent due to lack of correction.


Friendship Tie:

When you have a really good friendship, you get so knit together you begin to know likes, dislikes… you can both stand there and read each others actions and 'know' what their thinking.

“..when he had made an end of speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” (1 Samuel 18:1)

You'll often hear me talk about 'covenant relationship' in Christians, well, this is what it's about:

“I beseech you, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, that there be no divisions among you; but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” (1 Cor. 1:10)


“I would that you knew what great conflict I have for you....that your hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgment of the mystery of God the Father and of Christ;” (Col. 2:1-2)

That conforming to the image of Christ, that unison with the Holy Spirit… with other believers… this is what 'church' really is!


The good: support and growing together in the Lord

The bad: evil agreements, gossip partner (esp. bad when it's attack the spouse behind their back with your friend)


On a side Note….

The scriptures tell us plainly not to get involved with, angry (Prov. 22:24-25), foolish (Prov. 14:7) or unbelieving people (2 Cor. 6:14-18)…. and I like the scripture from Prov. 22:24-25 as the key to 'why':

“Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man do not go: otherwise you’ll learn his ways and get a snare to your soul.”

Hmmm, what is that saying?


If we have an open snare to our souls… well, what is that and what's it like? After that snare is there and you move in a positive direction, but it's more like 2 steps forward, 3 steps back… you should be seeking 'why' am I hindered in this part of my life?


Now I've suggested Generational ties in a previous video, but if you've sought that out, all for naught and are still struggling… soul ties are your next step.


Examples…

• Can't get a past relationship out of your mind or you make it some epitome to go by?

• Find yourself behaving in a domineering or controlling way in some relationships or at the opposite end of allowing oneself to be easily manipulated?

• Fear or intimidation in relationships?

• Manifesting psychic or occultic phenomena, especially regarding that past person/relationship?

• Inability to forgive?


Those are some broad indicators that can point to soul tie issues, but another I want to share from my personal experience, will help you take this concept a bit further.

I've mentioned before that I was in ministry that turned into a cult. After I was able to break free I had many spiritual attacks. I got rid of cult involvement stuff. I broke off soul ties… but I still had issues.


In my pleading "WHY", God sent a person to me that opened my eyes. Because I was so involved in the cult, especially in a promotive role… I not only had to break off ties with all the members, including the leader, but the 'Institution' as a whole. You see as the ministry took a turn into cult-land… what happens when we turn against what God is doing…. the enemy comes in. It's not any different then evil spirits lording over nations…. 'Prince of Persia', ring a bell… the enemy can move in and lord over church or ministry structures.


The moment I said a prayer to break off the 'Institution' as a tie to my soul… I began to yawn and feel a weight lifted from me. I was truly shocked! As I urged my husband to follow suit, he had a similar experience and then the next day…. after 3 years away from the cult…. the leader called and left a message on our cell. In that experience we realized that the leader, through the 'Institution' of the cult still had access to us. And now that the access was shut, the wicked spirits moved the leader to try and open up that door again.


Get ready to dig in even deeper folks as we work on getting that wedding attire spotless. Get excited because He can really use a vessel of honor!

Need the link to the entire
Spiritual Housecleaning Playlist?


from the book Prayers That Heal the Heart by Mark & Patti Virkler:

1. I confess and repent of my sin of an ungodly soul tie with _____________, and of my anger and resentment against You, God, for allowing this to happen in my life.

2. I forgive _____________ for their involvement in this sin. I ask You to forgive me, and I receive Your forgiveness. I forgive myself for participating in this sin.

3. Lord, sever the ungodly soul tie between me and __________ and restore the broken or torn portions of my soul. Lord, remove anything that has come into me through this soul tie and, Lord, bring back anything godly that has been stolen from me.


Get the book, "Prayers That Heal the Heart"


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