Saturday, May 18, 2013

Marital Separation - Can it be Restored?

A gentleman recently contacted me about wanting to turn in the towel in his marriage that's been in separation for several months and any attempts to reconcile would lead to an argument.

This was my reply, along with other suggestions....

What are the real issues?  What has brought things on?  Finances, job, children, housing, transportation, in-laws, sickness….. just naming some of the biggest causes of marital stress. 

The blame game sucks…. 


So you own up to your faults and forgive hers?  Do you recognize her strengths/weaknesses?  If she has a 'hot button' do you purposefully push it so you can manhandle the arguments or can you stop yourself?  Those are other things to think on.  
Problems in marriage met with level-headed mediation is the way to go, with these kind of points:
'Let's define the problems as a couple without blaming each other'
'Are we working as a team or are we being selfish?'
'We can't change the past, so let's not live there in blame and guilt… '
'Can we sit and be brutally honest & transparent and share the fears, the pain, the anger over issues one time to get it off our chests, with out the other judging us, and then bury the hatchet and start brand new?'

Making amends starts first with ourselves in humility....


In a war it's better to surrender with a white flag then get slaughtered…& that's what it can become if we look at problems and blaming more than 'I'm sorry', and 'How can we make this work?'



I know you can't 'see it' right now… especially since it's been several months & it can be disillusioning… but history is a great thing to open back up and 'remember'.

Remember the things that did click with you both… the places you enjoyed going together, mutual friends, common interests/music/movies etc.  Remember falling in love and making that commitment because it felt oh-so-right (in sickness, in health, for richer or poorer... that surrender to 'BE' together whatever life throws against you).

The grass always, ALWAYS, looks greener....


...on the other side of the fence, so invest in what you have WHILE you are seeking after God and purifying yourself and striving to be conformed to Christ.  Relationships are a #1 target of the enemy because,
 "Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven."
Matthew 18:19

In unity and in Him... we destroy the enemy's kingdom, and marriage, (a reflection of our divine union with God), is one of the most powerful institutions on earth!

A Prophetic Hope....

Imagine meeting again but not being baited into an argument….  but looking at the big picture.  This is the kind of refinement I'm talking about.  Committing to change first, yourself.  Making your soul beautiful : )

Even if you are the only one 'trying', realizing that your mate may not BE where you are at spiritually... but you know you should be praying the Word, PROPHETICALLY, as a blessing, speaking life and everything good that the Lord wants for us and our relationships.  

God wants restoration and unity, and so when you align with that, this scripture has real power:
"So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."  Isaiah 55:11
Choose life, commit to conform and know the rest is His will be done.

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